Japanese Jokes for English Speakers

I wanted to write something light hearted to apologise for the last few months of slow updates. So here are some really bad/wonderful jokes for English speakers who know Japanese, and some you should try on some Japanese friends.

Did you know “Dad Jokes” are called “Old-man Gags” in Japan? – おやじギャグ
When a bad pun or joke is told you should say さむい “that’s cold”

Japanese Jokes (Mostly Puns)

空賊 」なら家庭の
パイレーツはなんでしょうか? – umi no pairetsu wa “kaizoku” to sora no pairetsu wa “kuuzoku” nara, katei no pairetsu ha
nan deshouka?
If sea pirates are “kaizoku” and skypirates are “kuuzoku”, then what are home pirates?

家族!- kazoku!

パンダの好きな食べ物は何ですか?- panda no sukina tabemono wa nan desu ka?

What are panda’s favourite food?

パンだ!- pan-da!

どうしてハワイ人は歯医者に行かないの?- doushite Hawaii jin wa haisha ni ikanai no?

Why don’t Hawaiian people go to the dentists?

歯はいいから! – ha-wa-ii kara!

かめの好きな飲み物は何ですか? – kame no suina nomimono wa nan desu ka?
What is a turtles favourite drink?

こーらです!- ko-ra desu! (kora means shell)

マイケル・ジャクソンの好きな色は何ですか?- Maikeru Jyakuson no sukina iro ha nan desu ka?
What is Michael Jackson’s favourite colour?

青!- Ao!

And finally one you should try with your Japanese friends…

彼:おっす – o-su
彼女:めっす – me-su

This one might need some explanation. Young men in Japan will often greet their friends with a shortened version of おはようございます as just おっす. おす is a male animal, and めす is a female animal. I’ve gotten a few Japanese people by replying with めっす when greeted with おっす in the morning.

Some more from a friend!!! 

What do you call nine smelly rhinos? — Kusai (九サイ)
Where does a dog sleep? — Kenneru (犬寝る ケンネル)
How much do broken glasses cost? — Mien (三円 見えない)
What do spiders taste like? — Suppai da (すっぱいだ)
Did you hear the one about the nagai egg? That’s okay, it was a long tamago.

Sorry not sorry for the many bad puns, many I got off friends. If you know any more feel free to leave them in the comments section below.

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  1. The third one has a typo, it's not ハヤイ人, it's ハワイ人.

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